[Humor] Fwd: : A Blonde's Year in Review

Tim Kehres tim at kehres.com
Wed Jun 10 02:34:30 HKT 2015


*January*
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.




*February
*Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!




*March*
Got  really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said ' 2-4 years!'




*April
*Trapped on escalator for hours ...
the Power went out!!!




*May*
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!




*June*
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.




*July*
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their arms!!!




*August*
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.




*September ***
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???




*October*
Hate M & M's.....They are so hard to peel.




*November**
*Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2 days  ...
Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!




*December*




Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!










*And, FINALLY ..... *




/A  man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde 
female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
/



/She opened it then slammed it shut and//Stormed back in the house./




/A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box 
and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the 
house she went./




/As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, 
marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder 
than ever.
/



/Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
/



/To which she replied,  'There certainly is!'/
(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)










*'/My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT  MAIL!'/*
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    <div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri;"><b><span
          style="color: red; font-family: "Helvetica Neue";
          font-size: 24pt;">January</span></b><span style="font-family:
        "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="color: purple; font-family: "Helvetica
        Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">Took new scarf back to store
        because it was too tight.</span></div>
    <div class="ecxMsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Century
        Gothic', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">February 
          <br>
        </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color:
        purple; font-size: 24pt;">Fired from pharmacy job for failing to
        print labels..... <br>
        Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!<br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">March</span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">Got  really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle
        in 6 months.....<br>
        Box said ' 2-4 years!'<br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">April 
          <br>
        </span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 24pt;"><font
          face="Helvetica Neue">Trapped on escalator for hours ...  </font><br>
        <font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">the </font></span><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple; font-size:
        24pt;">Power went out!!!<br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">May</span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong
        instructions.... <br>
        8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!<br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">June</span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">Tried to go water skiing....... <br>
        Couldn't find a lake with a slope. <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">July</span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... <br>
        Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their
        arms!!!<br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">August</span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... <br>
        Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.<br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">September 
        </span></b><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color:
          purple; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size:
          24pt;"></span></b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';
        font-size: 10pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't
        it??? <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">October</span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">Hate M & M's.....They are so hard to peel.<br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">November</span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><b
        style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: purple;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">  <br>
        </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color:
        purple; font-size: 24pt;">Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2
        days  ...</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';
        font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I
        weigh 108!!<br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">December</span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: red; font-size:
        13pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 24pt;">Couldn't call 911. <br>
        'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!</span><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple; font-size:
        13pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 36pt;"><font
            face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">And, FINALLY ..... </font></span></b><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple; font-size:
        24pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><i style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color:
          purple; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size:
          24pt;">A  man was in his front yard mowing grass when his 
          attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and
          went straight to the mailbox.<br>
        </span></i><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic',
        sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><i style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color:
          purple; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size:
          24pt;">She opened it then slammed it shut and</span></i><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><i
        style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: purple;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 24pt;">Stormed
          back in the house.</span></i><span style="font-family:
        'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple; font-size:
        24pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><i style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color:
          purple; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size:
          24pt;">A little later she came out of her house again, went to
          the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.
          Angrily, back into the house she went.</span></i><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple; font-size:
        13pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><i style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color:
          purple; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size:
          24pt;">As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she
          came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then
          slammed it closed harder than ever.<br>
        </span></i><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic',
        sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><i style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color:
          purple; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size:
          24pt;">Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something
          wrong?'<br>
        </span></i><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic',
        sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><i style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color:
          purple; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size:
          24pt;">To which she replied,  'There certainly is!'</span></i><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: maroon;
        font-size: 24pt;">(Are you ready? </span><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: blue; font-size:
        24pt;">This is a beauty...</span><span style="font-family:
        'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span
        style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: maroon; font-size:
        24pt;">)</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';
        font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica
        Neue'; color: purple; font-size: 13pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; color: purple;
        font-size: 6pt;"><br>
         <br>
      </span><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif;
        font-size: 11pt;"><br>
      </span><b style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;
          font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 36pt;">'<i>My
            stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT  MAIL!'</i></span></b></div>
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