[Humor] Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Definitions....

Tim Kehres tim at kehres.com
Wed Jun 24 01:02:54 HKT 2015


-------- Forwarded Message --------
Subject: 	Fwd: Fwd: Definitions....
Date: 	Tue, 23 Jun 2015 18:38:28 +0900
From: 	vincent easton <vincent at jade-networks.com>

	

	

*
Wonderfully Described Definitions*


        *CIGARETTE:
        *A pinch of tobacco
        Rolled in paper
        With fire at one end
        And a fool at the other!
        *
        MARRIAGE:
        *It's an agreement
        Wherein
        A man loses his bachelors degree
        And a woman gains her masters
        *
        LECTURE:
        *An art of transmitting Information
         From the notes of the lecturer
        To the notes of students
        Without passing through the minds
        Of either
        *
        CONFERENCE:
        *The confusion of one man
        Multiplied by the
        Number present
        *
        COMPROMISE:
        *The art of dividing
        A cake in such a way that
        Everybody believes
        He got the biggest piece
        *
        TEARS:
        *The hydraulic force by which
        Masculine will power is
        Defeated by feminine water-power!
        *
        CONFERENCE ROOM:
        *A place where everybody talks,
        Nobody listens
        And everybody disagrees later on
        *
        ECSTASY:
        *A feeling when you feel
        You are going to feel
        A feeling
        You have never felt before
        *
        CLASSIC:
        *A book
        Which people praise,
        But never read
        *
        SMILE:
        *A curve
        That can set
        A lot of things straight!
        *
        OFFICE:
        *A place
        Where you can relax
        After your strenuous
        Home life *

        EXPERIENCE:
        *The name
        Men give
        To their
        Mistakes
        *
        DIPLOMAT:
        *A person
        Who tells you
        To go to hell
        In such a way
        That you actually look forward
        To the trip
        *
        MISER:
        *A person
        Who lives poor
        So that
        He can die RICH! *

        BOSS:
        *Someone
        Who is early
        When you are late
        And late
        When you are early
        *
        POLITICIAN:
        *One who
        Shakes your hand
        Before elections
        And your Confidence
        Later
        *
        DOCTOR:
        *A person
        Who kills
        Your ills
        By pills,
        And kills you
        By his bills!

=====================================================================

*4 FACTS:*

These facts are irrefutable so be careful, be very careful.


*A wise person once said:*

*1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize 
that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

2. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having 
a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.

3. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Fosters, 
Victoria Bitter, XXXX & Crown Lager.
Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

AND

4. I haven't verified this on Google but it sounds legit.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live 
longer than the men who mention it.*

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            <td>Fwd: Fwd: Definitions....</td>
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            <th nowrap="nowrap" valign="BASELINE" align="RIGHT">Date: </th>
            <td>Tue, 23 Jun 2015 18:38:28 +0900</td>
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            <th nowrap="nowrap" valign="BASELINE" align="RIGHT">From: </th>
            <td>vincent easton <a class="moz-txt-link-rfc2396E" href="mailto:vincent at jade-networks.com"><vincent at jade-networks.com></a></td>
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      <b><font color="black" face="Verdana" size="5"><span
style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:black;font-weight:bold"><br>
            Wonderfully Described Definitions</span></font></b><font
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                                                          class="MsoNormal"
style="background:white"><font color="black" face="Verdana" size="5"><span
style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:black"><br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold">CIGARETTE:

                                                          <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          pinch of
                                                          tobacco <br>
                                                          Rolled in
                                                          paper <br>
                                                          With fire at
                                                          one end <br>
                                                          And a fool at
                                                          the other! <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          MARRIAGE: <br>
                                                          </span></b>It's

                                                          an agreement <br>
                                                          Wherein <br>
                                                          A man loses
                                                          his bachelors
                                                          degree <br>
                                                          And a woman
                                                          gains her
                                                          masters <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          LECTURE: <br>
                                                          </span></b>An
                                                          art of
                                                          transmitting
                                                          Information <br>
                                                          From the notes
                                                          of the
                                                          lecturer <br>
                                                          To the notes
                                                          of students <br>
                                                          Without
                                                          passing
                                                          through the
                                                          minds <br>
                                                          Of either <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          CONFERENCE: <br>
                                                          </span></b>The
                                                          confusion of
                                                          one man <br>
                                                          Multiplied by
                                                          the <br>
                                                          Number present
                                                          <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          COMPROMISE: <br>
                                                          </span></b>The
                                                          art of
                                                          dividing <br>
                                                          A cake in such
                                                          a way that <br>
                                                          Everybody
                                                          believes <br>
                                                          He got the
                                                          biggest piece
                                                          <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          TEARS: <br>
                                                          </span></b>The
                                                          hydraulic
                                                          force by which
                                                          <br>
                                                          Masculine will
                                                          power is <br>
                                                          Defeated by
                                                          feminine
                                                          water-power! <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          CONFERENCE
                                                          ROOM: <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          place where
                                                          everybody
                                                          talks, <br>
                                                          Nobody listens
                                                          <br>
                                                          And everybody
                                                          disagrees
                                                          later on <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          ECSTASY: <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          feeling when
                                                          you feel <br>
                                                          You are going
                                                          to feel <br>
                                                          A feeling <br>
                                                          You have never
                                                          felt before <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          CLASSIC: <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          book <br>
                                                          Which people
                                                          praise, <br>
                                                          But never read
                                                          <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          SMILE: <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          curve <br>
                                                          That can set <br>
                                                          A lot of
                                                          things
                                                          straight! <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          OFFICE: <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          place <br>
                                                          Where you can
                                                          relax <br>
                                                          After your
                                                          strenuous <br>
                                                          Home life <b><span
style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          <br>
                                                          EXPERIENCE: <br>
                                                          </span></b>The
                                                          name <br>
                                                          Men give <br>
                                                          To their <br>
                                                          Mistakes <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          DIPLOMAT: <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          person <br>
                                                          Who tells you
                                                          <br>
                                                          To go to hell
                                                          <br>
                                                          In such a way
                                                          <br>
                                                          That you
                                                          actually look
                                                          forward <br>
                                                          To the trip <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          MISER: <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          person <br>
                                                          Who lives poor
                                                          <br>
                                                          So that <br>
                                                          He can die
                                                          RICH! <b><span
style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          <br>
                                                          BOSS: <br>
                                                          </span></b>Someone

                                                          <br>
                                                          Who is early <br>
                                                          When you are
                                                          late <br>
                                                          And late <br>
                                                          When you are
                                                          early <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          POLITICIAN: <br>
                                                          </span></b>One
                                                          who <br>
                                                          Shakes your
                                                          hand <br>
                                                          Before
                                                          elections <br>
                                                          And your
                                                          Confidence <br>
                                                          Later <br>
                                                          <b><span
                                                          style="font-weight:bold"><br>
                                                          DOCTOR: <br>
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          person <br>
                                                          Who kills <br>
                                                          Your ills <br>
                                                          By pills, <br>
                                                          And kills you
                                                          <br>
                                                          By his bills!</span></font></p>
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style="font-family:Calibri;color:black"> </span></font><font
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face="Helvetica"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;color:black"></span></font>
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                            <p class="MsoNormal"
                              style="background:white"><font
                                color="black" face="Helvetica" size="3"><span
style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:black"> </span></font><font
                                face="Helvetica"><span
                                  style="font-family:Helvetica">=====================================================================</span></font><font
                                color="black" face="Arial Black"><span
                                  style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:black"></span></font></p>
                            <p class="MsoNormal"
                              style="background:white"><b><font
                                  color="navy" face="Arial Black"
                                  size="3"><span
                                    style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial
Black";color:navy;font-weight:bold" lang="EN-NZ">4 FACTS:</span></font></b><font
                                color="black" face="Arial Black"><span
                                  style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:black" lang="EN-NZ"><br>
                                  <br>
                                </span></font><font color="navy"
                                face="Arial Black"><span
                                  style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:navy" lang="EN-NZ">These

                                  facts are irrefutable so be careful,
                                  be very careful.</span></font><font
                                face="Arial Black"><span
                                  style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black"" lang="EN-NZ"></span></font></p>
                            <p class="MsoNormal"
                              style="background:white"><font
                                color="black" face="Arial Black"
                                size="3"><span
                                  style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:black" lang="EN-NZ"><br>
                                </span></font><b><font color="navy"
                                  face="Arial Black"><span
                                    style="font-family:"Arial
                                    Black";color:navy;font-weight:bold"
                                    lang="EN-NZ">A wise person once
                                    said:</span></font></b><font
                                color="navy" face="Arial Black"><span
                                  style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:navy" lang="EN-NZ"> <br>
                                  <br>
                                  <b><span style="font-weight:bold">1.
                                      We all love to spend money buying
                                      new clothes but we never realize
                                      that the best moments in life are
                                      enjoyed without clothes.<span> </span><br>
                                      <br>
                                      2. Having a cold drink on hot day
                                      with a few friends is nice, but
                                      having a hot friend on a cold
                                      night after a few drinks -
                                      PRICELESS.<span> </span><br>
                                      <br>
                                      3. Arguing over a girl's bust size
                                      is like choosing between Fosters,
                                      Victoria Bitter, XXXX & Crown
                                      Lager.<br>
                                      Men may state their preferences,
                                      but will grab whatever is
                                      available.<span> </span><br>
                                      <br>
                                      AND<span> </span><br>
                                      <br>
                                      4. I haven't verified this on
                                      Google but it sounds legit. <span> </span><br>
                                      A recent study found that women
                                      who carry a little extra weight
                                      live longer than the men who
                                      mention it.</span></b></span></font><br>
                            </p>
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