[Humor] Some interesting Definitions....

Runge Chuck crunge at certes.com
Wed Jun 24 02:23:29 HKT 2015


Wonderfully Described Definitions

CIGARETTE: 
A pinch of tobacco 
Rolled in paper 
With fire at one end 
And a fool at the other! 

MARRIAGE: 
It's an agreement 
Wherein 
A man loses his bachelors degree 
And a woman gains her masters 

LECTURE: 
An art of transmitting Information 
From the notes of the lecturer 
To the notes of students 
Without passing through the minds 
Of either 

CONFERENCE: 
The confusion of one man 
Multiplied by the 
Number present 

COMPROMISE: 
The art of dividing 
A cake in such a way that 
Everybody believes 
He got the biggest piece 

TEARS: 
The hydraulic force by which 
Masculine will power is 
Defeated by feminine water-power! 

CONFERENCE ROOM: 
A place where everybody talks, 
Nobody listens 
And everybody disagrees later on 

ECSTASY: 
A feeling when you feel 
You are going to feel 
A feeling 
You have never felt before 

CLASSIC: 
A book 
Which people praise, 
But never read 

SMILE: 
A curve 
That can set 
A lot of things straight! 

OFFICE: 
A place 
Where you can relax 
After your strenuous 
Home life 

EXPERIENCE: 
The name 
Men give 
To their 
Mistakes 

DIPLOMAT: 
A person 
Who tells you 
To go to hell 
In such a way 
That you actually look forward 
To the trip 

MISER: 
A person 
Who lives poor 
So that 
He can die RICH! 

BOSS: 
Someone 
Who is early 
When you are late 
And late 
When you are early 

POLITICIAN: 
One who 
Shakes your hand 
Before elections 
And your Confidence 
Later 

DOCTOR: 
A person 
Who kills 
Your ills 
By pills, 
And kills you 
By his bills!

 =====================================================================

4 FACTS:

These facts are irrefutable so be careful, be very careful.


A wise person once said: 

1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes. 

2. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS. 

3. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Fosters, Victoria Bitter, XXXX & Crown Lager.
Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available. 

AND 

4. I haven't verified this on Google but it sounds legit.  
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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            Wonderfully Described Definitions</span></font></b><font face="Calibri" class=""><span style="font-family: Calibri;" class=""> </span></font><font face="Helvetica" class=""><span style="font-family: Helvetica;" class=""></span></font>
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                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class="">CIGARETTE:

                                                          <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          pinch of
                                                          tobacco <br class="">
                                                          Rolled in
                                                          paper <br class="">
                                                          With fire at
                                                          one end <br class="">
                                                          And a fool at
                                                          the other! <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          MARRIAGE: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>It's

                                                          an agreement <br class="">
                                                          Wherein <br class="">
                                                          A man loses
                                                          his bachelors
                                                          degree <br class="">
                                                          And a woman
                                                          gains her
                                                          masters <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          LECTURE: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>An
                                                          art of
                                                          transmitting
                                                          Information <br class="">
                                                          From the notes
                                                          of the
                                                          lecturer <br class="">
                                                          To the notes
                                                          of students <br class="">
                                                          Without
                                                          passing
                                                          through the
                                                          minds <br class="">
                                                          Of either <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          CONFERENCE: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>The
                                                          confusion of
                                                          one man <br class="">
                                                          Multiplied by
                                                          the <br class="">
                                                          Number present
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          COMPROMISE: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>The
                                                          art of
                                                          dividing <br class="">
                                                          A cake in such
                                                          a way that <br class="">
                                                          Everybody
                                                          believes <br class="">
                                                          He got the
                                                          biggest piece
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          TEARS: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>The
                                                          hydraulic
                                                          force by which
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          Masculine will
                                                          power is <br class="">
                                                          Defeated by
                                                          feminine
                                                          water-power! <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          CONFERENCE
                                                          ROOM: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          place where
                                                          everybody
                                                          talks, <br class="">
                                                          Nobody listens
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          And everybody
                                                          disagrees
                                                          later on <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          ECSTASY: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          feeling when
                                                          you feel <br class="">
                                                          You are going
                                                          to feel <br class="">
                                                          A feeling <br class="">
                                                          You have never
                                                          felt before <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          CLASSIC: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          book <br class="">
                                                          Which people
                                                          praise, <br class="">
                                                          But never read
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          SMILE: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          curve <br class="">
                                                          That can set <br class="">
                                                          A lot of
                                                          things
                                                          straight! <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          OFFICE: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          place <br class="">
                                                          Where you can
                                                          relax <br class="">
                                                          After your
                                                          strenuous <br class="">
                                                          Home life <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          EXPERIENCE: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>The
                                                          name <br class="">
                                                          Men give <br class="">
                                                          To their <br class="">
                                                          Mistakes <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          DIPLOMAT: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          person <br class="">
                                                          Who tells you
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          To go to hell
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          In such a way
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          That you
                                                          actually look
                                                          forward <br class="">
                                                          To the trip <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          MISER: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          person <br class="">
                                                          Who lives poor
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          So that <br class="">
                                                          He can die
                                                          RICH! <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          BOSS: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>Someone

                                                          <br class="">
                                                          Who is early <br class="">
                                                          When you are
                                                          late <br class="">
                                                          And late <br class="">
                                                          When you are
                                                          early <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          POLITICIAN: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>One
                                                          who <br class="">
                                                          Shakes your
                                                          hand <br class="">
                                                          Before
                                                          elections <br class="">
                                                          And your
                                                          Confidence <br class="">
                                                          Later <br class="">
                                                          <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class=""><br class="">
                                                          DOCTOR: <br class="">
                                                          </span></b>A
                                                          person <br class="">
                                                          Who kills <br class="">
                                                          Your ills <br class="">
                                                          By pills, <br class="">
                                                          And kills you
                                                          <br class="">
                                                          By his bills!</span></font></p>
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                          <div class=""><p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><font face="Helvetica" size="3" class=""><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;" class=""> </span></font><font face="Helvetica" class="">=====================================================================</font><font face="Arial Black" class=""><span style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:black" class=""></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b class=""><font color="navy" face="Arial Black" size="3" class=""><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial
Black";color:navy;font-weight:bold" lang="EN-NZ" class="">4 FACTS:</span></font></b><font face="Arial Black" class=""><span style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:black" lang="EN-NZ" class=""><br class="">
                                  <br class="">
                                </span></font><font color="navy" face="Arial Black" class=""><span style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:navy" lang="EN-NZ" class="">These

                                  facts are irrefutable so be careful,
                                  be very careful.</span></font><font face="Arial Black" class=""><span style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black"" lang="EN-NZ" class=""></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><font face="Arial Black" size="3" class=""><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:black" lang="EN-NZ" class=""><br class="">
                                </span></font><b class=""><font color="navy" face="Arial Black" class=""><span style="font-family:"Arial
                                    Black";color:navy;font-weight:bold" lang="EN-NZ" class="">A wise person once
                                    said:</span></font></b><font color="navy" face="Arial Black" class=""><span style="font-family:"Arial
                                  Black";color:navy" lang="EN-NZ" class=""> <br class="">
                                  <br class="">
                                  <b class=""><span style="font-weight:bold" class="">1.
                                      We all love to spend money buying
                                      new clothes but we never realize
                                      that the best moments in life are
                                      enjoyed without clothes.<span class=""> </span><br class="">
                                      <br class="">
                                      2. Having a cold drink on hot day
                                      with a few friends is nice, but
                                      having a hot friend on a cold
                                      night after a few drinks -
                                      PRICELESS.<span class=""> </span><br class="">
                                      <br class="">
                                      3. Arguing over a girl's bust size
                                      is like choosing between Fosters,
                                      Victoria Bitter, XXXX & Crown
                                      Lager.<br class="">
                                      Men may state their preferences,
                                      but will grab whatever is
                                      available.<span class=""> </span><br class="">
                                      <br class="">
                                      AND<span class=""> </span><br class="">
                                      <br class="">
                                      4. I haven't verified this on
                                      Google but it sounds legit. <span class=""> </span><br class="">
                                      A recent study found that women
                                      who carry a little extra weight
                                      live longer than the men who
                                      mention it.</span></b></span></font><br class="">
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