[Humor] When Insults Had Class - been around before but always good reading

Runge Chuck crunge at certes.com
Thu Oct 22 00:21:54 HKT 2015





 
When Insults Had Class...
 
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. 
 
 
 
 
A member of Parliament to Disraeli :   " Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
"That depends, Sir , " said Disraeli,"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
 
"He had delusions of adequacy ."
-Walter Kerr
 
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
 
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-Clarence Darrow
 
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
 
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-Moses Hadas
 
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-Mark Twain
 
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-Oscar Wilde
 
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-Winston Churchill, in response
 
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-Stephen Bishop
 
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-John Bright
 
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-Irvin S. Cobb
 
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
-Samuel Johnson
 
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
 
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-Charles, Count Talleyrand
 
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-Forrest Tucker
 
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-Mark Twain
 
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-Mae West
 
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-Oscar Wilde
 
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
 
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-Billy Wilder
 
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.    But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx

 Of course, I like the two stories about Winston Churchill.   
 
1.       Miss Abigail:  Winston, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.
 
Winston:   Miss Abigail,  if you were my wife, I would take it.
 
2.       Miss Abigail at a party:   Winston, you are drunk.
 
Winston:   That may be Miss Abigail, but you are ugly and in the morning, I will be sober.
 
 
Also like:
 
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. <http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/winstonchu105424.html>
(Winston Churchill).
 
What makes one think that collective wisdom will manifest itself from the ignorance of individual voters?


 
 
 
 
 
 
 



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<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><u class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;background:whitesmoke" class="">When Insults Had Class...</span></u></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class="">These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:blue" class="">A member of Parliament to Disraeli</span></b><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> <b class=""><span style="color:blue" class="">:  <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i class="">"</i></span></b> <b id="yiv3022425532yui_3_16_0_1_1445177391230_20856" class=""><i id="yiv3022425532yui_3_16_0_1_1445177391230_20855" class=""><span style="color:blue" class="">Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”</span></i></b></span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:blue" class="">"That depends, Sir</span></i></b><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> <b class=""><i class=""><span style="color:blue" class="">,</span></i></b> <b class=""><i class=""><span style="color:blue" class="">"</span></i></b> <b id="yiv3022425532yui_3_16_0_1_1445177391230_20917" class=""><span style="color:blue" class="">said Disraeli,<i id="yiv3022425532yui_3_16_0_1_1445177391230_20915" class="">"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."</i></span></b></span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#006600" class="">"He had delusions of adequacy</span></i></b><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> <b class=""><span style="color:#006600" class="">."</span></b></span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#006600" class="">-Walter Kerr</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#1D417D" class="">"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#1D417D" class="">- Winston Churchill</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#000099" class="">"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#000099" class="">-Clarence Darrow</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#993300" class="">"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#993300" class="">-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#0070C0" class="">"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#0070C0" class="">-Moses Hadas</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#A61C14" class="">"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#A61C14" class="">-Mark Twain</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#56367E" class="">"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#56367E" class="">-Oscar Wilde</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#006600" class="">"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#006600" class="">-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#006600" class="">"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#006600" class="">-Winston Churchill, in response</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#8B281A" class="">"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#8B281A" class="">-Stephen Bishop</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#CC0099" class="">"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#CC0099" class="">-John Bright</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#000099" class="">"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#000099" class="">-Irvin S. Cobb</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#3B7F52" class="">"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#3B7F52" class="">-Samuel Johnson</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#262626" class="">"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#262626" class="">- Paul Keating</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#56367E" class="">"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#56367E" class="">-Charles, Count Talleyrand</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#006600" class="">"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#006600" class="">-Forrest Tucker</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#8B281A" class="">"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#8B281A" class="">-Mark Twain</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#000099" class="">"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#000099" class="">-Mae West</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#A61C14" class="">"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#A61C14" class="">-Oscar Wilde</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#1D417D" class="">"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#1D417D" class="">-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#3B7F52" class="">"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt;color:#3B7F52" class="">-Billy Wilder</span></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class="">"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.</span></i></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""> </span></span><b class=""><i class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class="">   But I'm afraid this wasn't it."</span></i></b></div>

<div class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;background:white"><b class=""><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class="">-Groucho Marx</span></b></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><span style="font-size:16.0pt" class=""><br class="">
 <span style="color:#1F497D" class="">Of course, I like the two stories about Winston Churchill.  <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:-.25in;background:white"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D" class="">1.</span><span style="font-size:7.0pt;color:#1F497D" class="">      <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D" class="">Miss Abigail:  Winston, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D" class="">Winston:   Miss Abigail,  if you were my wife, I would take it.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:-.25in;background:white"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D" class="">2.</span><span style="font-size:7.0pt;color:#1F497D" class="">      <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D" class="">Miss Abigail at a party:   Winston, you are drunk.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D" class="">Winston:   That may be Miss Abigail, but you are ugly and in the morning, I will be sober.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D" class="">Also like:</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:15.0pt" class=""><a title="view quote" target="_blank" href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/winstonchu105424.html" class=""><span style="color:purple;text-decoration:none" class="">The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.</span></a></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif" class="">(Winston Churchill).</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif" class="">What makes one think that collective wisdom will manifest itself from the ignorance of individual voters?<br class="">
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