[Humor] Fwd: A retiree's last trip to Costco

John Kater kater.john at gmail.com
Sun Nov 22 11:33:35 HKT 2015


---------- Forwarded message ----------


​Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
> loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a
>> woman behind me asked if I had a dog.



> What did she think I had an elephant?
>


> So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that
> no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.  I added that
>> I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but
> that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
> tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
> I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
> works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one
> or
>> two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete
> (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
> mention
>> here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
>


> Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food
> poisoned me?  I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant
>> and a car hit me.
>


> I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
> laughing so hard.



> Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch
>> what you ask retired people.  They have all the time in the world to think
> of crazy things to say.   Forward this (especially) to all your retired
>> friends...it will be their laugh for the day!​
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<div dir="ltr"><div class="gmail_default" style="font-family:arial narrow,sans-serif;font-size:large"><br></div><div class="gmail_quote"><div class="HOEnZb"><div class="h5"><div dir="ltr"><div class="gmail_quote"><div><div><div dir="ltr"><div style="font-family:'arial narrow',sans-serif;font-size:large"><span style="font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:small">---------- Forwarded message ----------</span><br></div><div class="gmail_quote"><br></div><div class="gmail_quote"><br></div><div class="gmail_quote"><blockquote style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex" class="gmail_quote"><font size="4">​<span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">Yesterday I was at
Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder
Dog</span><span style="font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;color:black">,</span><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"> </span><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">and was in the check-out
line when a<div style="font-family:'arial narrow',sans-serif;font-size:large;display:inline">​ </div></span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">woman behind me asked if
I had a dog.</span><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"> </span></font></blockquote><div> </div><blockquote style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex" class="gmail_quote"><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">What did she think I had an elephant?</span><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"> <br></span></font></blockquote><div> </div><blockquote style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex" class="gmail_quote"><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I
didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.  I added that<div style="font-family:'arial narrow',sans-serif;font-size:large;display:inline">​ </div></span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.</span><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"> </span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"><br></span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is,
to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or<div style="font-family:'arial narrow',sans-serif;font-size:large;display:inline">​ </div></span></font><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"><font size="4">two every time you feel
hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete (certified), so it works well
and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention<div style="font-family:'arial narrow',sans-serif;font-size:large;display:inline">​ </div></font></span><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">here that practically
everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)</span><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"> </span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"><br></span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">
</span></font></blockquote><div> </div><blockquote style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex" class="gmail_quote"><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food
poisoned me?  I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant<div style="font-family:'arial narrow',sans-serif;font-size:large;display:inline">​ </div></span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">and a car hit me.</span><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"> </span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"><br></span></font><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">
</span></font></blockquote><div> </div><blockquote style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex" class="gmail_quote"><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing
so hard.  </span></font></blockquote><div> </div><blockquote style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex" class="gmail_quote"><font size="4"><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black">Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch<div style="font-family:'arial narrow',sans-serif;font-size:large;display:inline">​ </div></span></font><span style="font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:black"><font size="4">what you ask retired
people.  They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to
say.   Forward this (especially) to all your retired<div style="font-family:'arial narrow',sans-serif;font-size:large;display:inline">​ </div></font></span><font size="4"><span style="color:black;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif">friends...it will be their laugh for the day!</span>​</font></blockquote>















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