[Humor] Fwd: Ponderisms...

John Kater kater.john at gmail.com
Sat Feb 11 18:05:15 HKT 2017


---------- Forwarded message ----------







*Ponderisms....*



* There are three religious truths:*
*    a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. *
*  b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
faith. *

*c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**
*1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little
bottles of Evian water?*
* Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE*

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**


*2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?  (My sentiments exactly!)*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*3.  OK* *..... so if the  Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and
the  Tampa   Bay  Buccaneers are known  as the 'Bucs,' what does that make
the  Tennessee  Titans?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*4.  If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea* *does that mean that one
enjoys it?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**



*6.   If people from  Poland** are called Poles, why aren't people
from Holland  called Holes? *


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*7.  If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~**


*8.   Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*9  Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car is not called a racist?*


** ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*11.   If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it  follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?*


**~*~*~*~*~*! ~*~*~*~**


*12.  If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*13.   Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*14.   What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of  bald men?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*15.* *  I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their
final exam.*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?  Toothpicks?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*17.   Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them?*
* Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?*


**~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*~ *~**


*18.  If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*19.   You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.*
* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*21.* *  Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*22.**   If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*23.* *  Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?*


**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


*24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words
'The' and 'IRS' together it spells*  *...** 'THEIRS'?*
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><i><b><i><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="green"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:green;font-weight:bold">Ponderisms....</span></font></i></b></i><i><b><i><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"><u></u><u></u></span></font></i></b></i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><font face="Arial" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial"><u></u> <u></u></span></font></p>
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  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478794258013_3509">
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="maroon"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:maroon;font-weight:bold"> There are three religious truths:</span></font></u></i></b></i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="maroon"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:maroon;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> <br>
  <i><i><font face="Helvetica"><span style="font-family:Helvetica">  a.
  Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.</span></font></i></i> </span></font></u></i></b><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  <i><i><font face="Helvetica" color="#1f497d"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;color:#1f497d"> </span></font></i></i><i><i><font face="Helvetica" color="maroon"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;color:maroon">b.
  Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.</span></font></i></i><font color="maroon"><span style="color:maroon"> </span></font></span></font></u></i></b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"> <u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="maroon"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:maroon;font-weight:bold">c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the
  liquor store or Hooters.</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15827"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15826"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15825"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15824"><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><i><font face="Helvetica"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></i><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym18_1_1459449244140_34086"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym18_1_1459449244140_34085"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15766"><i><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="green"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:green;font-weight:bold">1. Ever wonder about those people who spend
  $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?</span></font></i></span></b></i><b><i><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="green"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:green;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> </span></font></i></b><i><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-style:italic"><br>
  <i><b><i><font face="Helvetica" color="green"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;color:green;font-weight:bold">Try spelling Evian backwards :</span></font></i></b></i><b><font color="green"><span style="color:green;font-weight:bold"> <i><i><u><font face="Helvetica"><span style="font-family:Helvetica">NAIVE</span></font></u></i></i></span></font></b></span></font></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*</span></font></u></i></b></i></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15789"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15788"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15787"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15786"><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="#0000bf"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:#0000bf;font-weight:bold">2. Isn't making a smoking section in a
  restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?  (My
  sentiments exactly!)</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15804"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15803"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15802"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15801"><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="navy"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:navy;font-weight:bold">3.  OK</span></font></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="2"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15793"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15792"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15791"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15790"><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="navy"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:navy;font-weight:bold">..... so if the  <u></u>Jacksonville<u></u>
  Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the  <u></u>Tampa<u></u>  
  Bay  Buccaneers are known  as the 'Bucs,' what does that make
  the  <u></u><u></u>Tennessee<u></u><u></u> 
  Titans?</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="green"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:green;font-weight:bold">4.  If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from
  diarrhea</span></font></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="#1f497d"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:#1f497d;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15816"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15815"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15814"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15813"><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="green"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:green;font-weight:bold">does that mean that one enjoys it?</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="2"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><i><i><font face="Helvetica" size="2"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Helvetica"> </span></font></i></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="blue"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:blue;font-weight:bold">6.   If people from  Poland</span></font></u></i></b></i><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98672"><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98671"><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15844"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15843"><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> <i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98668"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15842"><i><font face="Helvetica"><span style="font-family:Helvetica">are called Poles, why aren't people from</span></font></i></span></i></span></font></span></u></i><font color="blue"><span style="color:blue"><font size="6"><u> </u></font><u></u><u></u><font size="6"><u><i><i><font face="Helvetica"><span style="font-family:Helvetica">Holland</span></font></i></i><i><i><font face="Helvetica"><span style="font-family:Helvetica">  called Holes?</span></font></i></i></u></font></span></font><i><i><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-family:Helvetica"><u> </u></span></font></i></i></b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  disgruntled?</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15849"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15848"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15847"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15846"><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  *~*~*~*</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym18_1_1459449244140_34126"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym18_1_1459449244140_34125"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15858"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15857"><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="maroon"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:maroon;font-weight:bold">9  Why is a person who plays the piano
  called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15863"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15862"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15861"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15860"><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*
  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="green"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:green;font-weight:bold">10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety
  one?</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym18_1_1459449244140_34099"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym18_1_1459449244140_34098"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15873"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15872"><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="blue"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:blue;font-weight:bold">11.   If lawyers are disbarred and
  clergymen defrocked, doesn't it  follow that electricians can be
  delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,  models deposed, tree
  surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98676"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98675"><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*! ~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">12.  If
  Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15899"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15898"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15897"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15896"><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="navy"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:navy;font-weight:bold">13.   Do Lipton Tea employees take
  coffee breaks?</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> </span></font></u></i></b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="red"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:red;font-weight:bold">14.  
  What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of  bald men?</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="blue"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:blue;font-weight:bold">15.</span></font></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="2"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98650"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98649"><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="blue"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:blue;font-weight:bold">  I was thinking about how people
  seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on
  me ... they're cramming for their final exam.</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15903"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15902"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15901"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15900"><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><span class="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883apple-converted-space"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> </span></font></u></i></b></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15915"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15914"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15913"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15912"><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">16. I thought
  about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I
  wondered what do Chinese mothers use?  Toothpicks?</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98635">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98634">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98633">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98632">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596m_1790079258049640694m_-985779028763280736yiv6786027377m_8251422864053353470m_-7251351309445521166yiv2737442349yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1478718188455_98631">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15923">
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="green"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:green;font-weight:bold">17.   Why do they put pictures of
  criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?</span></font></u></i></b></i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  <i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15927"><i><font face="Helvetica" color="green"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;color:green"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15924">Why don't they just put their
  pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
  deliver the mail?</span></span></font></i></i></span></font></u></i></b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  </div>
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  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15930">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15929">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15928">
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~!
  *~*~*~*~ *~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  </div>
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  </div>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="maroon"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:maroon;font-weight:bold">18.  If it's true that we are here to
  help others, then what exactly are the others here for?</span></font></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  <div>
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  <div>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="navy"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:navy;font-weight:bold">19.   You never really learn to swear
  until you learn to drive.</span></font></u></i></b></i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="navy"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:navy;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> </span></font></u></i></b><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  <i><i><font face="Helvetica"><span style="font-family:Helvetica">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></i></i></span></font></u></i></b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">21.</span></font></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="2"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6" color="red"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;color:red;font-weight:bold">  Ever wonder what the speed of
  lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  </div>
  </div>
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  </div>
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  <div>
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  <div>
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <div>
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  <div>
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">22.</span></font></u></i></b></i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> <i><i><font face="Helvetica" color="blue"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;color:blue">  If a cow
  laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?</span></font></i></i></span></font></u></i></b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15939">
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">23.</span></font></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="2"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><i id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15938"><b id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15937"><i><u id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15936"><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15935"><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> 
  Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?</span></font></span></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15950">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15949">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15948">
  <div id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1486471008571_15947">
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span></font></u></i></b></i><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <div>
  <p class="MsoNormal" style="background:white"><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"><br>
  </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">24. At income
  tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS'
  together it spells</span></font></u></i></b></i><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="2"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold"> </span></font></u></i></b></i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="2"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> </span></font></u></i></b><i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold">...</span></font></u></i></b></i><b><i><u><font face="Helvetica" size="6"><span style="font-size:24.0pt;font-family:Helvetica;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic"> <i><i><font face="Helvetica" color="red"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;color:red">'THEIRS'?</span></font></i></i></span></font></u></i></b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-family:Arial"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
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  </td></tr></tbody></table></div>
  </div>
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  </div>
  </div>
  <div>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Arial" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial"> <u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  </div>
  </div>
  </div>
  
 
 <table><tbody><tr>
  <td style="width:100.0%;padding:1.5pt 1.5pt 1.5pt 1.5pt" id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596INCREDIFOOTER" width="100%">
  <table class="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883MsoNormalTable" style="width:100.0%" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" border="0">
   <tbody><tr>
    <td style="width:100.0%;padding:0in 0in 0in 0in" width="100%">
    <p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt"><u></u> <u></u></span></font></p>
    </td>
    <td style="padding:0in 0in 0in 0in" id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596INCREDISOUND" valign="bottom">
    <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center" align="center"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt"><u></u> <u></u></span></font></p>
    </td>
   </tr>
  </tbody></table>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12.0pt"><u></u><u></u></span></font></p>
  </td>
 </tr>
</tbody></table>

<div><span id="m_-2536404851513205435m_-6734929753085782883yiv5218504596IncrediStamp">

</span></div></div></div></div></div></blockquote></div></div></div></div></div></div><br></div>


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