[Humor] Fwd: Cynical things that make you think

John Kater kater.john at gmail.com
Thu Mar 30 19:20:06 HKT 2017


---------- Forwarded message ----------


*Cynical things that make you think. *

*Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any
trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?*

*I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom
until they are flashing behind you.*

*When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite
they only look at the covered parts.*

*A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight, live
longer than the men who mention it.*

*You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's
your common sense leaving your body.*

*My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about
that.*

*I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her
computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.*

*Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.*

*You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.*

*My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social
situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.*

*On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted
fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The
candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then
the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher
lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a
drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it."Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"
"No," said the little boy, "It's a puppy."*

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<div dir="ltr"><div class="gmail_default" style="font-family:arial narrow,sans-serif;font-size:large"><br></div><div class="gmail_quote">---------- Forwarded message ----------<br><div dir="ltr"><div class="gmail_quote"><div dir="ltr" lang="en-US" style="background-color:rgb(255,255,255);line-height:initial"><div class="m_3656470116820143270h5"><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600_originalContent"><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divtagdefaultwrapper" style="font-size:12pt;color:#000000;font-family:Calibri,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif" dir="ltr"><div style="color:rgb(0,0,0)"><span class=""><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22729" style="background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial;font-size:small"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22730" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">Cynical things that make you think. </span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="text-align:center;color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_23059" style="text-align:center;color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_23058" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be
 an<span style="background-color:rgb(255,255,153)"> even number</span>?</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22750" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22751" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">I find it ironic that the
 colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22757" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22758" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their
 body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22764" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22765" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">A recent study has found that woman who carry
 a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22785" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22786" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">You know that tingly little
 feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22792" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22793" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">My therapist says I have a preoccupation with
 vengeance. We'll see about that.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22799" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22800" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been
 googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22806" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22807" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22813" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:small"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22814" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22827" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22828" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">My therapist said that
 my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.</span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt"><br></span></b></div><div id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600divRplyFwdMsg" dir="ltr"><b id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22871" style="color:rgb(0,0,255);font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><span id="m_3656470116820143270m_4348780847294971600yiv5612951434yui_3_16_0_1_1490730137726_22872" style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-size:14pt">On the first day of school,
 the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
 Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it."Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the boy replied. She tasted
 another drop and asked, "Champagne?" "No," said the little boy, "It's a puppy."</span></b></div></span><div><br><span class=""><table style="border-collapse:collapse;border:none"><tbody><tr><td style="border:none;padding:0px 15px 0px 8px"><a href="https://www.avast.com/antivirus" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Avast logo" src="http://static.avast.com/emails/avast-mail-stamp.png">
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