[Humor] Fwd: New Element Discovered

Tim Kehres tim at kehres.com
Tue May 14 02:21:55 HKT 2019


-------- Forwarded Message --------
Subject: 	New Element Discovered
Date: 	Sun, 21 Apr 2019 02:56:38 +0000 (UTC)

	


  New Element Discovered: Governmentium

Anthony Watts <https://wattsupwiththat.com/author/wattsupwiththat/> / 
June 12, 2007 
<https://wattsupwiththat.com/2007/06/12/new-element-discovered-governmentium/>
atom.gif
The discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to
science. The new element has been tentatively named
Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving
it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held
together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by
vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However,
it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which
it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium
causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when
it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does
not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.




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            <th align="RIGHT" valign="BASELINE" nowrap="nowrap">Subject:
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            <td>New Element Discovered</td>
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            <th align="RIGHT" valign="BASELINE" nowrap="nowrap">Date: </th>
            <td>Sun, 21 Apr 2019 02:56:38 +0000 (UTC)</td>
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          123, 184);">New Element Discovered: Governmentium</h1>
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                              12, 2007</a></div>
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style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;"><img
                                alt="atom.gif"
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                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">The
                              discovery of the heaviest chemical element
                              yet known to</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">science.
                              The new element has been tentatively named</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">Governmentium.</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;"><br>
                            </div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">Governmentium
                              has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">deputy
                              neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy
                              neutrons, giving</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">it
                              an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles
                              are held</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">together
                              by forces called morons, which are
                              surrounded by</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">vast
                              quantities of lepton-like particles called
                              peons.</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;"><br>
                            </div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">Since
                              Governmentium has no electrons, it is
                              inert. However,</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">it
                              can be detected as it impedes every
                              reaction with which</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">it
                              comes into contact. A minute amount of
                              Governmentium</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">causes
                              one reaction to take over four days to
                              complete when</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">it
                              would normally take less than a second.</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;"><br>
                            </div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">Governmentium
                              has a normal half-life of three years; it
                              does</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">not
                              decay, but instead undergoes a
                              reorganization in which a</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">portion
                              of the assistant neutrons and deputy
                              neutrons</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">exchange
                              places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will
                              actually</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">increase
                              over time, since each reorganization will
                              cause</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">some
                              morons to become neutrons, forming
                              isodopes.</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;"><br>
                            </div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">This
                              characteristic of moron-promotion leads
                              some scientists</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">to
                              speculate that Governmentium is formed
                              whenever morons</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">reach
                              a certain quantity in concentration. This
                              hypothetical</div>
                            <div
style="border:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-bottom:1em;outline:0px;vertical-align:baseline;line-height:1.3em;">quantity
                              is referred to as Critical Morass.</div>
                          </div>
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